absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
