it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
