I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
