We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize