suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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