WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
