Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
