Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
