everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
