Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Randomize
