You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
