Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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