His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
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