There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
