But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
