Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
