i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
