So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
