I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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