I want to stick my p in your. b.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
