Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
