If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
