Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
