My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
