Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
