I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
