i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Help me help you realize you are a moron
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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