the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
