Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
