Kareoke will never be a sober sport
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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