the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
