Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
