Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
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