i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
