Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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