i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
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As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
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If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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