Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
