I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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