If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I have fence marks all over my body
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Randomize
