I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
