wakey wakey hands off snakey
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
