Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
