i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
