he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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