their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
