Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
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Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
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I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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