I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
