dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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