In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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