went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
