and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
