Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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