Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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