I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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