i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
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