Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
did i just pee glitter
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
