i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
