Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Girls should come with a carfax report
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
