I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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