The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
