1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
