Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
