I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
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