you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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