Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
