Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
