i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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