please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
