True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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