How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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