My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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